Home or Away

There has been a long standing debate about which moms do more, the working mother or the stay-at-home mom. In my humble, yet extremely incredible, opinion each has their own struggles to deal with. Regardless of whether or not we moms agree, we all have our own stress to defeat.

The stay-at-home mom has to deal with what I like to call the “adult interaction deficit”. Many are so involved in the day-to-day struggles of keeping their children alive and well they let the outside world take a backseat. Many lose touch with their besties and become so consumed with their children that they so overwhelmingly need that adult interaction. The occasional trip to the grocery store becomes a therapy session as you tell the clerk about the day you've had.

This is not the only challenge involved. If you have more than one child, then you most certainly know what other magical joys await. Being a mom to two little boys, I had to deal with helping to teach one to walk at the same time that I was trying to get the other one to sit down for a minute to focus on an activity. I'm sure I have ingrained them with some sort of mental issue because of this. One would be hearing me say “you can do it” while I was telling the other to “stop doing that”. Really, it was a magical time of my life.

After years of being the receptionist, finance department, personal shopper, teacher, chef, taxi service, and therapist I was exhausted! Then came kindergarten. I was incredibly sad the first day my oldest son began school, but I soon realized the time this allowed me to spend with my youngest son. I cherished those few hours of peace this change allowed. Not only was there peace, there was also the benefit of school events where I would meet other parents who were in just as much need as I was for some adult interaction. It was wonderful! I was getting that little piece of me back that had gotten buried amongst onesies and binkies.

It came time for my youngest to start school. I knew then that I couldn't consider myself a stay-at-home mom anymore. There wasn't anyone at home for me to take care of. I decided, with the help of my husband of course, that I wanted to finish up my college degree. It was really difficult, but worth every struggle.

Now that I had noone at home who needed me and I had finished my degree it was time to take on the working world again. I soon realized nobody wants to hear about how awesome your kids are all day long. Work meant work, not social time with pay. Of course I knew this going in, but I was hoping for a little recovery time from being a stay-at-home mom for so long. I needed to learn to adapt to not being there for every little event in my sons' lives anymore. Yes, they still needed me. Just not like they used to.

Now that I am a 'working mom' I hear about how I'm never around when they “really” need me. Like when dad won't let them do something that I would normally let them do or when they need help with cleaning their room. I miss school parties and can't be a room mom anymore. I still clean, cook, shop, and run a taxi service for them.  My days off of work are never really days off, because I still go home to being a mom and wife. I'm just as tired as I was when I was a stay-at-home mom, but now I can't wear my pajamas all day.

I think instead of moms focusing on who does more, we should pay more attention on how to deal with the stress involved with all that we do (this goes for you dads too). Regardless of whether you stay-at-home or go to work, you do a lot for your family and should never let anyone say otherwise.