Tyler's Entrance

Ten years ago this week my life was changed forever. I went from being a woman on the go with a full-time job to a mom. I was never one to believe in love at first sight. Then I held my son for the first time and I experienced that feeling. That overwhelming moment when you know you will do anything and everything for this little person you helped bring into this world.

My first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage, so when I found out I was pregnant with Tyler I walked on egg shells and danced on clouds. I wasn't going to lose this baby. I wanted to start a family and I wanted to be a mom. Once I made it past the first trimester and the doctor told me our son was developing wonderfully I started to relax more and more. I made it to the end of the pregnancy without any issues and then it came time to go to the hospital to deliver my son.

My husband and I made it to the hospital and we were situated in our room when all of a sudden the nurses began to whisper to each other. One of them approached me in a hushed tone and told me that they needed to give me some oxygen and they were calling the doctor in immediately, because my son's heart rate was not regular. Shock set in, but I didn't let anyone know. I kept my sarcastic sense of humor so others wouldn't worry even though I was so afraid of losing a part of me.

The doctor came in and told me they needed to perform an emergency c-section, because if they tried to deliver my son any other way he'd more than likely not make it. “Go!” I said. “Why are we waiting?” I couldn't keep my fear in anymore.

They wheeled me in to the operating room, administered the anesthesia, and tied me down. There were thunderstorms outside and I think it was a great indicator of the moment at hand. The balance of what may and may not be the future of my first son. As I laid there in that room with my husband holding my hand I remember thinking to myself that I would give anything for this to all go well. I would become a better person and I would give my all to my son. I'd be the best mom in the world. I saw my husband peeking over the curtain they had draped in front of me and I knew they were pulling my son out. I waited. I needed to hear him cry. I needed it.

Then I heard it. That first breath of the outside world my son was experiencing. I hadn't realize I was holding my breath and I finally breathed along with him. We weren't out of the woods yet. They held him up for me to see, but I was in shock at this point and only remember seeing his toes. They rushed him off for evaluation and finished their business with me. Once I was in my hospital room they finally had finished running tests and brought Tyler in for me to hold. I had never really held a baby before him. I was so afraid of not being able to hold him correctly, but once the nurse handed him to me it felt natural. I couldn't stop looking at him. My husband and I just sat there staring at this little boy who we almost lost and I know he was just as much in awe as I was.

Ten years have passed since that stormy day in May. Tyler has become an intelligent, witty, passionate, little man that I am so proud of each and everyday. He amazes me with his ability to stand up for others and he is the best big brother in the world.

Happy eleventh birthday, Tyler. I love you forever.