Pain

These last few months have probably been the hardest months I’ve ever had to live through.  I’ve been dealing with medical issues and doctors have been trying to figure things out so that I can move forward. Unfortunately, moving forward is taking forever.

Now, I am by no means a wimp. However, some days the pain is stronger than I am.  I do not like to load up on medicine, because I really believe that I can work through it.  These pains are different.  I went from being a super mom who could navigate through the day with very little sleep and a lot of coffee, to this woman who gets tired easily and spends too much time on the couch with an ice pack.  This is not good, because baseball season has begun. I’ve been playing pass with my boys since they were tiny and I can’t do that right now.  I hate telling my boys that I can’t do something.  

I do not like to voice when I am in pain, which is more often than I would like to admit, because I don’t want my guys to get tired of hearing me. I feel like if they are always hearing me complain about how I am feeling that they will get tired of it all. For Pete’s sake, I’m tired of talking about it. I just want resolution so that I can get back to a semi-normal (if you know my family normal is not the word you would use) state of being. I want to go outside and play pass with Tyler and play basketball with Myles. I want to take walks with Vader and wrestle around with my husband. I really don’t like this. I don’t like being the one that needs taken care of. Most of my life I have been the one taking care of others. It’s what I do and it’s getting more and more difficult. 

This is where the good part comes in. When my husband and I got married we said we’d take care of each other “through sickness and in health” and we have kept that promise to each other for almost twelve years now.  Since all of these issues started my husband has really stepped up his game.  He has been taking care of me when I didn’t want to take care of myself (I’m the stubborn type that tries to keep going even when I shouldn’t).  Not only has he been showing me that he meant what he said that beautiful fall day in November, but my sons have been doing their fair share of mommy care too. 

It’s hard to accept that I need help sometimes, but it is overwhelmingly amazing to see that I have these three guys in my life that will care for me no matter what.  They are the reason I get up and go some days. I don’t want to let them down and I want them to know they are really making a difference.  I’m probably one of the luckiest people on the planet.

Thank you Chad, Tyler and Myles for being the best medicine ever made.