The End of 12

This is the last week my oldest son will be able to say he is twelve years old. So, I wanted to write him a blog post. I'm not sure when, or if, he will ever read it. It never hurts to leave a trail for our children to find. Here goes.

Dear Monkey,
  I hope this post finds you well. I am writing this in the homestretch to your thirteenth birthday. I want you to know that I have always been so proud and in awe of you. You weren't a planned pregnancy, but anyone can tell you that great ideas, moments, and events aren't ever planned. You were, and always have been, a great moment.



Holding you, bandaging your boo-boos, teaching you, laughing with you, making all of the mistakes that first-time parents do (I really hope we didn't damage you too much), and watching you grow into an intelligent, opinionated, and very handsome young man have been the greatest years of my life. I am sad that those moments when you needed me to dry your tears or watch Thomas the Train are over. You have so many amazing goals. I don't remember setting such fantastic goals when I was your age. I'm pretty sure I was still playing with Barbies when I was twelve.

You have mystified me beyond reason. You've taught me so much more than I have ever been able to teach you (no, this doesn't mean you are smarter than me....yet). I see you talking to others and I know you can't see the pure pride I am feeling. You are strong, smart, witty, and such an amazing person (moody at times, but that's normal...annoying, but definitely normal).

I know I've messed up at times. I have shown my temper and I have never wanted you to see that side of me. However, even though I have had bad days you still make me feel like an awesome mom. You are one of the very few people who have ever called me beautiful and I thank you for that. I feel like your dad and I did right by you in a world that is consumed with so much wrong.

You haven't experienced adult life yet. I'll be honest, it sucks sometimes. However, it is also the most amazing time of your life. From life choices that shape your future, to children (even though you say you don't want any, I think you'd be an awesome dad...as long as one of your children is not a doppleganger of your little brother), and then watching your dad and me grow old.

I know you've thought about losing us. My MS diagnosis made that all too real for you at such a young age, but you're a tough cookie. Don't worry about me or your dad. Honestly, I'm not going anywhere. I will always be with you. Whether in body or spirit. I will be there and so will your dad.

I want to end this by saying Happy 13th Birthday, Monkey. So begins your journey from child to man. I can't wait to see how the future unfolds. I hope you know you are loved and will always have a very special place in my soul.

Love,
Mama